Sunday, July 31, 2011

One of Those Days

     I’m not perfect by a MILLION miles. I’m flawed to the core. Like, no joke! But I mean well. I have a good heart and I try harder than anyone I know has tried for me. I fight hard. But it doesn’t mean that every day is a perfect day. 
     Tonight I looked around the table and I saw happiness and love. I saw mates and matches. I saw 2 people who look both figuratively and literally like they have been cut from the same cloth. I think to myself what a beautiful thing that is. I think of the stories I could tell when I had my “cut from the same cloth half”. But those stories are not relevant anymore, or even comical. They are irrelevant. I sit solo.
      I feel naked without my kidos round me they shelter me from these awkward moments.  I realize that I fall apart when they are not with me. Caring for someone else is what I know it’s what is natural and normal for me, and when that’s gone I’m naked (and not in a good way!).
     I leave the party with hugs, love and smiles. Get into my car, crank Adel and cry. Idk why. Really I don’t (other than I’m PMS-ing). But I do. I think, for all the love and good will I try to put out there why does the night end with him there and me here, and me sitting at a table with everyone cut from lining and me cut from wool? When can I be linen too?
     I drive home. At my exit I take a left and not a right, I make another left and park my car. I turn up Adel. I look at the parking lot full of cars and I think what I did a month ago “you fair weather friends, it’s Sat night, where you on Tuesday when my car was the only one here???” But I turn off the engine and close my eyes. Tears run down my cheeks. I look up through puffy eyes and I see the motel room me and my 3 babies stayed in for 3 weeks when we didn’t have a home, a few weeks ago. I breathe, compose myself. Breathe some more. Realize that though I didn’t mean to end up here, here is always where I should be on nights like this.
Nights when loneliness seems like it rapes your sole.
Here is where I should come to remind me that nothing is as bad as this place was.
I will be okay.
I am okay.
Good times and bad.
I will be fine.
Someone said the bad days are placed in our lives to make us always remember who we are and where we came from. I can see that.
Tomorrow’s a new day. 

~Written by: Sarah Centrella for Thoughts.Stories.Life
*This is an interactive blog please leave your comments and thoughts, I will respond :)

3 comments:

  1. push those bad thoughts and feelings aside and make tomorrow a good day..wake up and tell yourself its going to be a good day. take a walk and breath in the fresh air and look into the simple things. there is someone out there that is ment just for u. in time they will show up when u are really ready. remember even if u feel lonely u aren't lonely u have many friends to help u out as u have done for us. wipe those tears hold ur head up and give yourself a pat on the back and smile. (BIG HUG)

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  2. Let those feelings flow through you b/c that's all they are. You are never alone when you realize you are a part of the Universe and the Universe is inside you and with you giving its love. Or go have a martini. ;D xxx

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