Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It's a New Life.

Hard to say goodbye...
Change is never easy. I don't know why I haven't gotten used to it by now, my life has never stayed the same for longer then 18 months at a time. That's my record. Jobs. Homes. Addresses. Eighteen months seems to be the magic number for me since the beginning of time. I guess the only exception is the 16 years I spent in a relationship, but other then that my life is like the ocean; constantly moving, the shore line always eroding.

The past few months have been difficult, adjusting to a new life in Seattle. New school for Kanen. New job for me. New home. New town. New one-hour commute each-way. New traffic. MORE rain, more depressing black sky, day after day.

It's been a lot to take in for all of us, but the one thing that has made it all work, has made it all manageable has been Miss Amby. She moved with us to keep as normal of schedule for the kids as possible and has been a God send. She's been my stay-at-home mom, doing all the things I would do if only I had a clone. It's the first time ever I've really had help in the three years I've been a single mom. She has nannied for us for over a year but in Portland it was 8-5, and though amazing was definitely a different dynamic then we have had since moving here in December.

...
This has been the first time I've lived with anyone since my ex-husband. The first time I've had an adult to talk to when I get home. Someone to share my day with, talk about the kids with and genuinely be there for us. It's been such a huge blessing. I cant imagine what it will be like when she needs to move back home to Portland... in three weeks.

The thought of it makes me want to cry.

All I can think of is that I'm going back to where I was three years ago when I was completely and totally alone. Isolated. Just me and the kids, day in and day out, for two full weeks without break. For those of you who are double parent house-holds and are thinking "I have my kids every day all day" let me remind you that in most cases it's not JUST you, and JUST them 100% of the time. That feels like a prison let me assure you. I LOVE my kids, god and all creation know this! But to not have another adult to talk to or be part of your life day in and day out, you eventually think you are going to lose your mind! I've been there... I don't want to go back.

I'm trying to stay optimistic, because I know I have so much to be thankful and grateful for, but it's scary. Having no family or friends in a place that is dark as night 24/7 and living an hours drive from anything is more isolating then I even wanna consider.
...

I'm blessed because I love my job, and am blessed to have it, and love the house too... it's just going to take a lot of effort to get us all assimilated to where we don't feel like we are on a deserted island. But maybe this lack of distraction is just what I need to get the book I've been writing for two years ready to publish.

Everything happens with purpose.

I will miss Miss Amby so much and my babies will miss their Auntie/2nd Mommy... it will be a sad day when we have to say goodbye. But we know she will always love us and us her...

Dear Miss Amby,
I'm so thankful and grateful for all you have sacrificed the past year to be there for the kids and me. You have done more for us than our family, parents or siblings. You have loved us and supported us sometimes without pay, and without reason in one of the worst years we've ever had. We are eternally grateful for your love and loyalty and pray the day comes when we can repay you... even just a little. 

Love,
Sarah, Kaney, Meme and Izzers.

Always with us... LOVE :)


~Written by: Sarah Centrella for Thoughts.Stories.Life.
 *This is an interactive blog please leave your comments and thoughts, I will respond :)

3 comments:

  1. Sarah, I know you and I have never met and possibly our paths will never cross but I understand 100% what you mean. I have been a single parent for the better part of my life.....by my choice, no doubt....I have been personally feeling the exact same way the last year. Recently I have started venturing out because I was going crazy. When my son asked me what was up with me going out as of late I laughed and asked him if he wanted to commit me to a psych ward or me be happy, even keel mom....he just looked at me like I was crazy and said *Okay*....lol. Girl, you are amazing and inspiring, get out there.....let people see you, know you, be better off for having known such an inspirational person. You deserve it and so do your loved ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much :) It's very encouraging to know that I'm not alone, it does feel like that most of the time :)

      Delete
  2. I can relate to what you said about not liking change. I dont deal well with change at all. I fight it and resist it and stand stubbornly with my feet in the mud so as not to move or change anything in my life. I have learned that even if I dont move or change, when everything around me changes, I'm still experiencing the change I'm trying to avoid. So, now I try to flow and adapt with the current I'm in. At least that way I can be in control of the aspect of change that is effecting me. What is great for me now, as I once again experience change of a great momentum, this time I am aware of the power of the law of attraction. During other changes, I either moved backwards instead of forwards or ended up needing a therapist to help me assimilate what was going on. Now I am using my best mantras and and putting lots of energy into getting my thoughts on a positive frequency. I believe w all my heart that everything does happen for a reason and that God/the Universe really does want the best for me so I am gearing up to move and grow w the changes around me. Peace, Sarah and thank you for your blog and posts, which encourage me greatly. Rhonda/FB

    ReplyDelete