Sunday, July 1, 2012

Walk Away...

Our wedding day in 2000
My ex-husband is getting married next weekend, to the women he had the affair with.  She will be my babies step-mom. It's been almost four years since the day I found out, and they've been together ever since, so I'm not sure why this news fazes me at all, but it does.

Perhaps because I spent the last few months writing our story for my book, not just the bad, but all the good too. The good which I've tried for four years to forget existed. But it was there, for years on end, and so was our love. We were together for sixteen years, since we were both sixteen. Half of our lives. We are such different people now that it's hard to remember who we used to be, but in looking through our old albums and remembering our story, I realized that someplace deep down I never really thought it was gone forever. Don't get me wrong I have no desire at all to be with him anymore, none!  I consider their affair to be the biggest blessing in disguise of my life, but still I guess I was surprised to find myself, remembering like it was yesterday, the good times. 

Always loved this picture...
It's hard to process that our wedding, in the end meant so little.  We'd both looked forward to it for eight years, we were so happy.  How does love do that? Just change when your not paying attention? How do you find yourself in a different life, than you'd set out to live? How do you wake up alone when you thought you'd had that covered, till forever?

The one thing I've noticed with these emotions the past few days, and some other major events that have occurred the past week, is that I don't seem to be the one that anyone fights for.  I looked back over my relationships since our split, and realized that I've been the one fighting when no one was fighting for me.  Maybe that's because our marriage ended in an instant, and perhaps it made me fight harder for other relationships, even when they didn't deserve it.

The obvious difficult truth is that I'm the common denominator and that's a bitter pill to swallow.  But without truth there is no growth.  And the past few years I've spent my time diligently, aggressively and with intent; growing.  I've looked inward and changed not only my outward life but who I am as a person.  Changes that I believe have made me a better woman, more forgiving, kind and understanding.  I'm proud of who I'm daily becoming, and doing so with intent.  So whatever the reason that I find people leaving my life, I know now that I'm not going to keep fighting for anyone who wouldn't do the same for me.  It's wasted energy.  I know now that I'm giving it my best effort and if that is not enough then those are not people well suited to be part of my life.

I will chose instead to put that energy into me, into becoming a woman that I could and do love.  Into my children, teaching them how to become people that others would want and need to have in their life.  I'll fight for myself, and my kids... maybe it's cynical, but it's the reality.  Happiness is fleeting if we allow it to be, joy will pass us by.  I don't want that. I want what's good and healthy for me, and if people walk away, no matter who they are, I'm going to let them.  Because in the end, who wants people in your life who don't really want to be there?

 Sometimes reality bites. 

Nothing lasts forever...




~Written by: Sarah Centrella for Thoughts.Stories.Life.
 *This is an interactive blog please leave your comments and thoughts, I will respond :)

10 comments:

  1. reality bites indeed..and sometimes nastily..but i think after the injury heals and fresh wind blows, we realise..wahhh...v r winners..smell the roses..enjoy life..best wishes friend:)

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  2. As I get older, I realize the circle of who I care about gets smaller and smaller.

    And you know what? That's okay!!! Less stress and I love not having to worry about too much ;).

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    1. it is so true. I think as we grow we gravitate toward the people in our lives who love us without condition and who think like we do, and we have less tolerance for drama and pain. We get to a place were we realize that life is short and that we deserve to be happy. That choosing our happiness and sanity is more important than fighting for relationships (family included) if they don't bring us peace and happiness. Sometimes it's better to just walk away.

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  3. i find all this really inspirations. im in love with a guy who honestly thinks he is playing me for a fool. im trying to just let go. hes been a part of my life for almost half of it and i care about him so much and thought he did to but come to find out hes "in love" with my best friend. its a tough pill to swallow and definitely hurts but im trying really hard to not waste my time on someone who doesnt want me. this gives me the inspiration to realize that if im not worth it to him then he isnt worth it at all. i believe everyone deserves to be treated like a princess and id rather wait for my prince then be stuck with a douche bag.

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    1. I'm so happy it's given you inspiration to let him go, if there's one thing i've learned the last 5 years it's that we should never fight for someone who walks away from us. Save that energy for the one who wont leave.

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  4. Hi Sarah, thanks a lot for your published Story. I am from Germany and have the same Story as you: 14 years relationships, twins, he left me last year Christmas...I just try to survive the pain of losing his love... How did you manage this pain in your heart? How long did it take time to "forgive" him a Little? What do you feel today when you are thinking about your ex-husbund? Thanks for more tips and your thoughts...that give me power that I am not alone with my Situation in the whole earth...

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    1. Hi there, thanks for sharing your story, and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you as well. Unfortunately the way our marriage ended was so abrupt and full of anger and bitterness on both sides that it's been a difficult situation ever since. It probably took me about 6 months before I could even begin to focus on anything else, and about a year until I really began building my own life without him (I'd done that in a physical sense immediately, but I mean mentally). After that first year when I realized I could have a better more fulfilled happier life without him, I basically never looked back. I haven't missed him at all for years. He never even crosses my mind, and there is no love between us at all other than for our children's sake. It really is true that time heals all wounds... it will heal yours too if you let it.

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    2. Thank you Sarah for answering! Good to know that in 6 monthes will be better with my pain. I loved him so much, but after the birth of twins (my lovely daugthers are 3 years old) it was not enough for him. I just thinking every day about was happen but I can not change my Situation at the moment. And as you did I realised that I manifested this Situation in my live. After reading you blog I started with LOA and visualisation board (you know I have the Picture of you with Kids as the wish to drink with you a Cup of coffee someday ...love this idea :-) ) I will tell you about my manifistaions... I wish you power for your Kids and you, thanks for sharing your Story that inspiried a lot of People and I belief I will read a new Story of your new love / Soul mate soon....All the best from Germany, Marina

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    3. awe I love that idea Marina!!! and I love coffee, so let's manifest it! :)

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