Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I Had A Bad Day.

I had a bad day, today. Yup, one of those lay on the floor and fall apart kinda days. The kind when it feels like you just heard one to many "no's" in a row. When the final one, simply made you snap and want to throw in the towel, quit.  I've had a hard time the last few months, trying to fight the obvious truth which is that I'm not happy living in Seattle.  It's been something I've been trying to talk myself into since the start but that has progressively taken it's tole on my spirit.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Uninspired.

It NEVER stops raining...
I'm feeling uninspired lately.  I know me uninspired? It happens.

I think it's primarily living in Seattle that is really getting to me in a way I can no longer shake.  I can finally admit it, I'm not happy here at all. It's like living at the bottom of hell. I'm sorry to all of you Washington and Seattle people, not trying to bag on your home, but it's just NOT for me. I can't take it. The black days, the endless rain, the miserable traffic, the unfriendliness of the people.  I've lived here a year and haven't met a single person. And that's not like me.

I'm all for doing whatever it is I need to do to succeed and provide for my family, and the reason I came here was, and still is a great one. For a great job, but it's been such a personally draining, depressing, and generally difficult year trying to adjust up here.  And I've officially decided I can't take it anymore! My heart wants to move to Washington DC so bad, I'd do it in a minute if I could make it happen, and hopefully someday I can. But if nothing else I need to move back home to Portland where at least the sun occasionally shines, the sky isn't a black blanket on top of you, and my friends can be part of our lives again. I need it. I'm slowly losing my motivation and there are days when it feels like all my goals and dreams will never come true. Or that I've missed the boat on them.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Jim Brickman: Soundtrack to My Life.

Jim Brickman
Tonight I took the kids to their first concert ever.  No it wasn't Taylor Swift (though they would have loved that) and no, it wasn't Justin Beiber.  It was legendary contemporary romantic piano artist Jim BrickmanWhat? You say.  You took your five year old kids to watch someone play piano for two plus hours at 8:00 PM on a school night?

Why, yes I did.

Can I just say, I've wanted to see Jim Brickman perform live for the past fifteen years, way back when I first heard his magical style of hypnotic piano music.  The piano has always had some type of magical spell on me.  I remember once in high school listening in the hallway for hours, to the one kid at my boarding school who

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Roller-Coaster of Love.

Coming back form our monthly visit in DC this weekend
It feels good to be off the roller-coaster.  A broken heart can really knock the wind out of you. Can sweep you under the rug and knock you sideways. It makes you sick to your stomach on a daily basis. Makes you think your seriously losing your mind.  It seems like I felt that way ever since the day I met him over a year ago... amazing and tragically sad the entire time.  And in the end, emotionally depleting and crushing.

After months of working through it, I vowed that if I ever felt "better" I'd promise to only love myself for the foreseeable future. No more roller- coaster.  No more waiting for a call or a text or a promise that will never be fulfilled. No more love.