Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Letting Go of The Love of Your Life.

Two years ago I met the love of my life.
It's so hard to say goodbye...

It was one of those cosmically aligned moments, when I ran into a stranger in an elevator who changed my life and stole my heart. The connection was instant and undeniable. And for the next year my heart went through every possible emotion.  The most prominent, that of finding the one person you've spent your whole life searching for, the one that is the perfect match to you in every way, but knowing from the start that it would never last. It was that tragic, heartbreaking, can't-do-shit-about-it, life's-a-bitch, kinda love that rips your heart out.  Yet when you fall in love, you  have no control over it, even if you know it's chances for survival are minimal at best. It just is what it is.

I didn't believe in love at first sight until our eyes locked that day. I thought it was something writers and fairytale's invented to keep us wishing for some magic that probably never existed. But from our first eye contact, it was there, as crazy as it sounds.  If you've ever found this kinda love, then you know it doesn't sound crazy at all.  There was no denying it, on both sides. And from that moment on as we spent time getting to know each other, knowing that our timing and lives would not mesh, I asked God and the Universe or whatever else was listening...why? Why do this to me? Why put me through something so pointlessly painful. Why bring him into my life in such a fates-collide kinda way, only to not let him stay? 

I don't know the answer to that question.  I wish I did. I wish it would reveal itself to me. Because even now two years later, the thought of him makes me want to cry. No matter what I've done to try and move past it the last year, to put him behind me and accept that it wasn't meant to be, he's still always with me.

I share this with you because, almost every single day for the past few years a reader will write to me from somewhere in the world with a story just like this one.  And they will ask me: "How do I get the love of my life back?" And I always say... you don't.

You let them go.

"But!" They protest, "I want you to tell me how to make the Law of Attraction bring them back". And again I say... not how it works my friend. Believe me this is not what I would want to hear either. But it's what I've come to know is true. And the only thing that keeps my heart from bleeding out, is knowing and trusting that there must be some crazy higher power at work, dreaming up a bigger dream for me than my little brain can do for itself.  Because to me he was perfect. To me he was all I've ever thought I wanted.  But that's not the reality. The reality is that if it was perfect and if he was the one for me, it would have worked out. It wouldn't be a tragic love story. It would have been happily ever after.  And it's not.

So what I must do, and what you must do if you find yourself in a similar situation, loving someone who didn't chose you.  Or who left you. Or who doesn't love you as much as you love them, you must let them go.  And you must trust that there is something greater and better at work for you.  And then you must look at all the reasons that person came into your life.  And all the things they taught you about yourself.  And realize that maybe they came into your life, not to be there forever, but to teach you something that will make you ready when forever finds you.

It's hard. I know this. There hasn't been a day that's passed the last two years when I've not thought of him. Maybe that will always be the case, I don't know.  But the year of heart-brokenness, and pain, and tears, and emptiness has finally passed. And it will for you too.

The lessons he taught me about myself, and the awakening I had about my life, my past, the way I love and seek love, all of those things are priceless. They are the reason I was able to write my memoir.  Able to finally find happiness inside myself instead of seek it in a man. He raised the bar to a level I never thought I could expect, and he softened a heart that was quickly growing cold.  For all those reasons I'll love him always. But over time I've been able to let him as a person go, and still hold on to those qualities and realize that maybe they will manifest in someone even more perfect.  And even if they don't I will be okay.

And lastly, if he really is my sole mate, then time and age and distance and life wont matter.  Somehow, someway, someday, he may reappear. But that's not what I focus on. There's nothing I can do to make that happen. I've learned through trial and error that the only love I want in my life is one that is equally unmatched and where equal sacrifice is made, and until that is the case chasing after it will do no good.

I remain hopeful, and steadfast in my belief that whatever is meant to be for me will find me.  I'm not going to chase it, seek it, or hunt it down. I've drawn it to me before I will again, and so will you. Don't let your heart ever stop believing that somewhere out there someone was meant to keep it safe for you.

Author Bio:
Sarah Centrella is a Success Coach for athletes and anyone with a dream. She is also an author an motivational speaker.  Follow her on Twitter for motivation and inspiration, and sign up to be a Member of her blog for free success coaching classes.


  1. The Love of my Life and I married way back in 1965.......divorced 1970...... got together again in 1983 for a couple of years but ............ we were married to others so we parted........... he's moved countries, we've both married again ............ he's still the love of my life, my knees go weak just writing this as I think about him, but love is not always enough. There has to be more and it is a sad fact of life, honesty and caring HAVE to go along with the love but I am thankful to have' loved and lost then never to have loved at all'!
    I have a friend who has been married for 30 odd years but never known this kind of love ...... that is sad.

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  2. "The lessons he taught me about myself, and the awakening I had about my life, my past, the way I love and seek love, all of those things are priceless."

    That is totally how I feel right now! Recently went through a bad breakup but I am reaching the point where I am just grateful for all that it taught me. I am stronger and wiser from the experience.

  3. I needed to read this today Sarah. As always when I need some guidance I come to your blog , it just so happens today there was a recent post by you about love lost. Breaking up is never easy even thou we both agree that its time for us to part ways. I feel mixed emotions about him leaving, I think I only want him to stay for fear of being alone yet again. I do miss him not being here on a day to day basis. My problem is getting over the being alone and wondering what he is doing or with whom. How to I get these thought out of my head?

  4. i can totally relate to this, I thought the person I met was my soul mate, haven't spoken to her in over 6 months now. Still having a really hard time dealing with loosing her, hope this didn't work out for a bigger reason that makes no sense to me at this moment, but will at a later time.

    1. i feel your pain, but mine left me a month ago, we've still seen each other on and off though, but thats not fair on either of us to hold onto something that she wanted to let go of, 3weeks after we broke up shes already started kissing other people, and for some reason she found this amusing, right now, my heart is so crushed, and empty and hallow, i hope it gets better

  5. It has been a year and a half since he broke my heart and i still cannot seem to forget him. I try so hard to move on but the memories of our times together makes it practically impossible. For me, our relationship was perfect, he was perfect! I don't know why he didn't see what i saw!
    It is just so hard because i feel like i will never love or share things with anyone else like i did with him. It breaks my heart to think that he was everything i could want, but he didn't feel the same about me!!

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